Crap. I'm in love.

Crap. I’m in love.
I’ve known it for a while. I think maybe Christmas eve, when the Yankee pulled me close and whispered sweet nothings about how I was a blessing in his life and how I was his favorite Christmas gift that he wasn’t expecting. Or maybe when he went home for New Year’s and I missed him so badly my chest hurt. I definitely know it now.

 He’s never been one to throw around compliments or sweet nothings. But more and more, they are popping up in our conversations. Like when I tell him his arms are a favorite body part of mine, and he says they’re his favorite too but only when they’re wrapped around me. Or when he tells me how much he loves holding my hand and playing with my fingers. My heart aches with the need to tell him, to say those 3 little words. I think he feels the same, but how do you ever really know? I feel it with the way he holds me close and doesn’t want me to get up. The way he leans his head into mine when we’re just sitting around. The way his hands always end up in my hair because he knows I love it. When he comes up behind me and puts his arms around me when I’m not even looking. When he looks into my eyes and his beautiful blue eyes shine. When he digs around in the covers to find me when we are sharing a bed. When he sacrifices and gets up super early just so he could spend the previous night with me. But I’m so scared.

I’ve always been the one to be chased, not the chaser. I’ve been the one who I knew loved the other person less than they loved me. I know that sounds weird but it’s true. Every guy I’ve dated has always liked or loved me more than I liked or loved them. I know it. But it’s different with the Yankee. He consumes me. I am pretty sure my feelings for him are much deeper than his for me. A rejection from him would utterly collapse me and knock me off my feet. The words are bubbling from my lips all the time now when I’m around him, but I bite them back. I can’t take not hearing them from him in return if I say it. My heart can’t take the risk.